There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
