don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
