so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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