So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
