he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
