His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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