All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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