i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
