its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Randomize
