Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
