She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
