How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
