I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
