im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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