Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
