So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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