Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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