Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
