yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
