I will die if light touches me.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
