just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
