to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
