Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
