Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
