college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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