Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
