Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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