She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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