I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
