You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
