to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You ruined the universe
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
