I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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