This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
