Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
