Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
