I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize