im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Randomize
