Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
