One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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