If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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