What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
