i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
