Already got asked if we're dating
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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