so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
