i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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