do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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