I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
