paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
