This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
so much tequila, so little girl.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
