but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
