A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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