So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
