1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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