is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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