party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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