Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize