she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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