So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
