can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
