Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
