The maid of honor just puked.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
