My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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