Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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