ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
