Having a random hookup so left but love u
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I wish there were birth control emojis
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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