I am puke
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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