when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
