Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
