This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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