dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
