This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
