I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
