just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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