The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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