At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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