dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
