If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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