I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish you could order shots online.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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