Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You're like the curious george of whores
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I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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