I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
