I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
