12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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