Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
